Vatican Library, Rome

TCA Newsflash 3-6-2018

Vatican City, Italy

Pope Francis, Bishop of Rome, was surrounded today by Vatican City News Team 3 and made a formal announcement to open the sacred Vatican library secret catacomb vault to 700 club scholars, just two weeks after Saint Patricks Day celebration 2018. Recent accusations from Club founder and leader Pat Robertson, has sent chills down the veritable spine of the Vatican library prefect, Monsignor Cesare Pasini, after Robertson publicly accused the prefect of hiding important scripture from public view. “Scienant enim quod esset dies veniunt” said Monsignor Pasini in his Latin tongue. (We knew this day would come). Pressure from Robertson has been ongoing, and according to a spokesman for the College of Bishops, “we have had enough! We are conceding to the powerful American based 700 club”.

An ad appeared on the 700 club ticker today and Union Gospel Mission jobs board looking for scholars and volunteers to comb through approximately 374,000,000 documents in Latin, Greek, Egyptian, Hieratic Sumerian, Hebrew, Cuneiform, and others. While the Vatican library is open for researchers with qualified credentials, secret vaults at the library have not. TBN and 700 club are positioning “top scholars” for this historic event. The vault opens Easter morning on the official Catholic “Stulte Aprilis Dies” of 2018 for the 2 week investigation. Skeptics are proposing the vaults may be empty that day. More to follow.

That’s how’s to say April fools in Latin.

Author: jimoeba

Alternatives to big box religions and dogmas

40 thoughts on “Vatican Library, Rome”

            1. Apparently one way it the other. Mr Zande leaves it to the interpreter. Although, the context appears rather sacrumal.

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        2. If I believed any of it I would say “the rock” they interpret as Peter, was actually referring to revelation, not the authority to build the church through peter. Capish?

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  3. I’ve often thought about this Vatican classified “vault” and its (true) contents and whether much could be learned from whatever is declassified. But because of what I, historians, and most of the world know about the Early Church and eventual heretical hunts — burnings, imprisonments, and human exterminations — how much of what is inside the vault can be believed? Why would the Greco-Roman Catholic Church even keep any material that is incriminating or condemning of its early activities of fraud and literary manipulation?

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  4. The funniest part of this obviously 100% factual “news article” is the fact that the 700 Club was adamant about finding truth. They wanted to get to the bottom of it, so where do they look for it? The Vatican of course. Christians looking for “truth” always go for the most reliable sources…the ones that share their views. If they actually found something contrary to their religious beliefs, do you think they would let it out? Yeah right. Too bad it wasn’t true. It’d be fun to see if they could do better than the opening Al Capone’s vault. Alas, April Fool’s Day came early this year.

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      1. They may be on to something. I would have just “liked” it but something about liking comment about a vault full of children (or child porn) just feels wrong, no matter how likely it is to be true. My finger was just about to click “like” and then a little voice inside said, “Don’t you dare, you monster! Think of the children!”

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        1. Yes. We need an “agreed” button. My high school friends dad was dying and they posted a story about his illness. “Like” just didn’t seem to work. I hit “Love” ❤️. Is that wrong?

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          1. Love may be a strange choice in that situation (as well as the current topic here). An “I’m sorry to hear that button” might be a good option. Or a “You’re right, but I wish you weren’t” button.

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    1. Even if they were biased, at least they could withhold key information to appease the flock. There is absolutely no reason to know a truth that might cause doubt. Cmon Mary! 🙂

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