Ancient Desalination Discovery

TCA Newsflash 3-9-2018

Eastern Turkey

Hikers near the cradle of Mount Ararat, Turkey have found what appears to be a massive prehistoric pontoon style desalination plant. The incredible discovery happened while evangelical researchers were trying to locate Noah’s Ark, which was spotted by another group of evangelical Christian explorers in 2010.

With modest estimates, the ark would have contained a range of 8000 to 14,000 animals requiring approximately 20,000 to 35,000 gallons of water per day during the over year-long drift at sea. (378days) Evangelical scientists have been working out the details for centuries; just how did Noah provide enough water to all those animals? The find answers a boatload of questions, that until today just seemed like a fairy tale.

While the eight survivors would have had their hands full, each feeding a thousand or more animals per day, calculations estimate each person would have had to feed 70 to 120 animals per hour round the clock, 7 days a week for a year. Feed them what? Just the two elephants alone would require approximately 150,000 pounds of food for the journey. Two lions would consume 40,000 pounds of meat for the trip, as well as the tigers and bears. Polar bears could be sent out on reconnaissance to hunt seals and other aquatic life, so that is no problem. But food for the other 7,996 pairs might have proved problematic. Even if every animal only averaged eating one pound per day, that would be over 3,000,000 pounds of food for animals. Not including the eight survivors.

Mathematicians have calculated about 14 years for the sloth to arrive at the ark from Central America. Kangaroos, while excellent swimmers, must have built their own boat to make the trip from Oz, or to Oz after the landing on Ararat.

Evangelical scientists are confident the discoveries will come. Real scientists have been criticized for demanding photos and physical evidence, but none to date are forthcoming.


Author: jimoeba

Alternatives to big box religions and dogmas

30 thoughts on “Ancient Desalination Discovery”

  1. This is great! Ha! And these fools really believe this happened.

    I have a great old book “letters from the Earth” that is a compilation of things written by Mark Twain and one is precisely the absurdity of the Ark story and why the hell did god save fleas that caused millions of deaths in the future by spreading disease etc etc…

    I’m telling you these religious people absolutely refuse to think!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I barely scratched the surface on the problems that would have to be overcome. The ark was supposed to be around 500 feet long. With the amount of food and water, along with the animals the bloat would exceed the gross tonnage of a modern freighter.


  2. Look, just because you’re a non-believing awful person who’s not as smart as a believer, it does not mean the Ark story is bunk. Do you understand the entire nature of the universe? Can you see thousands of miles with a single glance? Can you explain what an apple’s DNA looks like? Probably, you can’t do these things, but that does not prove someone else can’t. Therefor, just cause YOU don’t know how Noah’s Ark could have happened doesn’t mean it didn’t. So there, I just slam-dunked you, man! I WIN the argument! So you’re wrong! Squawk! Squawk! Squawk!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Is this ID or JB? Wait? Where am I? You mean it’s true? Ok then, I believe. My presuppoptive inclinations got the best of me. Will you ever accept me back into your fold?

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Jim…I’ve been rereading this (see below) a little this morning and I think you and some fellow bloggers could find a wealth of ideas here to post about. I forgot just how good it is. If you should order, be sure and get the uncensored version, which has about 240 pages. They are all used, as this is an old book. My copy is so old I ordered a newer one. First copyright was 1938.
    And I noticed my Dad actually gave it to me…all signed by him. What a guy he was. A free thinker I’m sure.

    Letters From the Earth: New Uncensored Writings by Mark Twain

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m shocked, I tell you … SHOCKED! You don’t believe this absolutely truthful and accurate tale that was presented in the fully believable book that was certified and authorized by you-know-who and presented to the world-at-large a few thousand years ago? Again I say … shocked! Simply shocked!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m shocked that I ever considered believing it. When you start to break it down even a little the whole thing is just so ridiculous it makes you want to take Ken Hamm out behind the woodshed for capitalizing on the naively educated followers of him and the book he carefully manipulates and presents as possible.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I would like to sequester Ken’s family in that ark with thousands of species for a year like his fictional Noah. But I don’t think it’s fair to punish all those animals for the failings of one man.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. A week would prove it. All the animals would starve out while Ken was deliriously vegetated in exhaustion in the bunk. But I’m sure the seraphim helped with feedings and shoveling poop πŸ’© If you can’t prove a point, add supernatural and circular exhaustive arguments to wear down your opponent.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. LOVE this: “If you can’t prove a point, add supernatural and circular exhaustive arguments to wear down your opponent.” That truly NAILS it!

            Liked by 4 people

  5. A fairy tale to be sure. So full of holes you could drive the Milky Way through it.

    One thing that irritates the shit out of me every time I see it, is a depiction of the ark, with an enormous door, that would be at least halfway below the waterline! I you are building a boat, I do not recommend a huge door in the side of it that rides below the water line…ok?

    Then there are always these itty bitty windows topside that I suppose allowed no ventilation at all! Certainly not enough for all of the animals and people on board. Could you imagine being stuck in there on a hot sweltery day?

    Also as I remember reading it, the ark was pretty much a huge barge the way it is described in the babble. But a modern depiction ALWAYS has some added features to make it appear seaworthy. (Except for the fricking door below the waterline!)

    Then as you mentioned it would take decades for some animals to have made the trip. Wouldn’t it have been a better story if they could have picked them up along the way? Sheesh.

    Then there is also the problem of ANY water going vessel made of wood. Once a wooden vessel reaches a certain size is is completely impractical to put it in the water, even on a calm day. As wooden seams give and sway, they would have needed many pumps pumping 24/7 to stay afloat. Plus the sheer weight would have been an issue if the damn thing was empty, nevermind loaded with animals. With the weight of this wooden monstrosity it would have cracked like a woodem matchstick the first time it hit a wave of any decent size.

    Then you have all of the issues with the practicality of thousands of animals needing food/fresh water, excercise, ventilation, and cleaned up after… it goes on and on. I actually read somewhere, I forget where now, but some idiot apologist trying to assert this all could have happened, he proposed that “perhaps” Noah had some sort of automated system to relay animal feces overboard. I shit you not. I’ll take the pun.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So I gather you’re skeptical of this ark proposal? Plus, if they had to carry water it would have exceeded the gross tonnage of any modern freighter. And the estimates I used are lowball. Lol.


  6. Skeptical?! Yes, you could say that.

    I just watched the Noah’s Ark thing Ron posted with one of my boys, freaking hilarious. There was line in there about atheists only believing things that make sense. I lol’d πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That was pretty good. Although, the ant part was off. Ants pool together during floods and barge together floating and survive quite well. But other than that, the snake muzzles was something I hadn’t thought of. Lol.


      1. Jim, when you get the book “Letters from the Earth”, the first chapter from the title is all about Adam and Eve and Noah’s Ark. It is written letters Satan secretly wrote to the other two arch angels, Gabriel and Michael,and how unbelievable, incredulous and absurd all this was. The Noah’s Ark part starting with Letter IV, will play right into this post. I was going to quote some of it here, but it’s all so good and sarcastic, that I couldn’t leave anything out.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Just to throw in a bit more for discussion — some info I came across in my book research …

    Deuteronomy 10:3 — So I [Moses] made an ark of acacia wood
    Exodus 37:1 — Bezalel made the ark of acacia wood

    Further, in the Epic of Gilgamesh (a tale from ancient Sumeria that’s said to be one of the oldest works of literature known to man), there’s a story about a flood that’s remarkably similar to Noah’s adventure. (For further discussion, if you’re so inclined, can be found here:

    Liked by 2 people

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