The periodic table has a new element. Chemist at International Labs London (ILL), have discovered a new compound derived from basic, inert, random samples of ambiguous contradictory neurologic impasses. Failed synapse syndrome, (FSS) has been baffling neuroscience for decades, and removal of this newly discovered element is as easy as flipping a switch in the affected religious parties. Element “B” has an atomic mass and weight of zero, carries no electrons, but has a high affinity to synaptic dead space. Early studies show removal of element B causes instant cognitive restoration, and eliminates test subjects ability to rationalize obvious contradiction.
Test subject volunteers from the Four Square Church and the United States Bible Belt have seen instant results using a osmotic reverse cerebral cleanse, applied in a suppository pill form. Atomizers are currently being developed for nasal administration.
Evangelical chemists at Godwins institute dispute the veracity of the claims, and have directed the institutes science department to consult with Hindu Vedas and Puranas experts to counter the findings. “We know god is in there somewhere”, said one researcher. And, “this Biblio element makes no sense at all” said another. The plea for help dealing with these scientific issues has been ignored.