Letter to Mark Twain

dear mr clemans, after reading part of your book, ‘Letters From the Earth’, I think you are a disgusting man. I know your real name, and I am warning all of my good christian neighbers not to read this gross expose’ of our god. We cannot, and will not allow you to espouse such truths and spread your cancerous words into the puritan ears of this community. We demand you retract your words.

The fact that heaven is composed of all the things we hate is true, but only for now. Who are we to judge gods wisdom. The fact that all of the things we love are absent is true, but only for now. I imagine that endless harp music and choirs singing praises to God might seem like a torture to you, but god knows what is best for us. If he says it will make me happy, I believe him, regardless of the apparent absurdity of eternal noise and worship. You see where you are lacking mr clemens? You have no faith. Faith is where I get to decide what is true. Faith will let me live in eternity with god and be happy with no intellect. It is intellect that has caused you to own these blasphemous truths. Your words are temporary mr clemens, but gods word are eternal. You are a dirty man exposing the christian heaven as a sexless heaven. You are a heathen now, and probably have sex for fun, but god knows what is best for us. If he needs to manipulate our natural tendencies to control the heathens, then I trust god to do so. We won’t need these things in heaven because we will be wrapped in jesus’ arms in eternal embrace, singing and praising god, and bathing his feet in our tears of joy, while you mr clemens, will be in hell.

75 cents for this 1962 edition. Best $6 I’ve ever spent. Should be mandatory reading for all.


Author: jimoeba

Alternatives to big box religions and dogmas

35 thoughts on “Letter to Mark Twain”

  1. Love, love, LUUUUUUUVVVV me some Mark Twain!!! A man way ahead of his native 19th century homeland and colleagues! Though I am a big Twain fan, I have not read this one. Believe it will now go on my library checkout list or Amazon Wish List. 🤩

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s so real it’s seething with obvious that has been tucked away in the Christian apologetics. Fantastic common sense no one could really refute without hairsplitting faith. So much like JZ’s “on the problem of good”. I really don’t think anyone can touch it.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I doubt if you’ll find it at a library…too old and only used on Amazon..but as said above by Nan…maybe be other good places.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh yes! I definitely think you would appreciate it. It’s a small book but packs a LOT of wallop. And I think it might give you some “ammunition” for future posts. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Check out BetterWorldBooks.com. It’s a great place to order used books, plus they donate books and raise funds towards literacy. Plus nearly always free shipping.

            Liked by 2 people

  2. Cool, I’ll find it and feed. I’m currently reading “The Darkening Age” The Christian Destruction of the Classical World by Catherine Nixey. See discribes the early Christians as a mirror image to ISIS.

    Liked by 1 person

        1. We’re still living it. The only natives left are the genetically compliant. I have never understood why there are ANY Native American or black Christians. Unbelievable.


          1. Probably for the same reasons there are European Christians. After the annihilation of the initial resisters, the old traditions are lost or absorbed into the new religion and later descendants have no recollection their new religion was responsible.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. And the language is replaced and history books are so dumbed out of content and context it hard to know anything without considerable effort. Great comment Ron. Careful, your using your neurons to link reason into your comments. Very unchristian of you.


            2. Oddly enough, Scandinavian countries seem to have withstood Christianity the longest, assimilated the least and abandoned it more quickly.

              In the following video, fundamentalist pastor Marty McLain from Douglasville, Georgia comes to grips with an alternate worldview. My favorite part is his encounter with the believer in the Missionary Church of Kopimism — the perfect punishment for those who assert that atheism is a religion.

              Liked by 1 person

            3. Very good video. I’ll watch the rest a little later. I only got about 10 minute mark. It reminds me of the opposite approach my buddy from India talks about. They know all the válida are fake, but they still think they need them. Strange.


            4. Yes. If you have time, check out the rest of the series on Nordic prisons and policing (by the same up-loader).

              On a side note, I usually watch most documentary videos at 1.5 – 2x the normal speed to save time.

              Liked by 1 person

            5. lol. I took speed reading classes in elementary school, so I actually prefer long essays over long audio-visual presentations. And Soundcloud sermons are brutal because the player provides no option to increase the playback speed — a feature they claim they’ve been ‘looking into’ for several years now.

              Liked by 1 person

  3. Excellent book. Read it a few years ago. I believe Twain had written it but asked his publisher not to publish it until something like 10 years after his death. He knew the blow back he’d get for writing it would be fierce, as is evidenced here by this fine response to the heathen devil that he was. His appearance on season 6 and 7 of Star Trek: The Next Generation was very good, though, so I can forgive him just a little bit for returning from the dead to do that double episode–the bastard.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I encountered this title a while back and made a note, only to lose it later! I now have this in Kindle format, for $1.99 (plus $0.14 tax).

    Liked by 1 person

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