Coming to the crossroads of unbelief eventually moved to ask the lord for help to believe based on the idea that maybe I had missed something. Show me the way, inspire me, hear my prayers—just one. His answer came as complete silence. No still, small voice. No thunder, enlightenment, or verse popped into my head. Nothing but quiet reflection. Literally every point of the gospel needed ad nauseum excuses and mental gymnastics. I couldn’t do it anymore. Turning to the house I looked back and knew I was alone. I had always been alone. Realizing that changed nothing for me. I found I was capable enough and needed no one to chart my path. So what was I to do?
Up till then I had thrown my hat in the ring of Christianity so many times I can’t remember them all. Acquiescing to “what if I’m wrong”, I never believed I could leave faith. I kept that premise as I no longer had faith in the religion that preoccupied so much of my time and more or less, I dissolved my relationship without a whimper. If there was a god, it certainly wasn’t interested in me.
There are ministers, priests, pastors, and other clergy all around the world who have invested a significant portion of their lives in theology, who can no longer manage to hold supernatural beliefs — who have moved beyond faith. Hundreds of them recognize those sunk costs and are searching for the best way to move on, whereas many others cannot accept the loss of their religious investment, and continue to practice a profession inconsistent with their belief
When living contrary to your knowledge or disbelief, you are living the sunk-cost fallacy. Not willing to give up the time and energy invested in a failure, throwing in the towel on your life to live your status quo, biding in the atheistic closet for fear of losing friends, business, or family because the cost is too high to formally buck the system. Moving beyond faith—the facts are not for everyone. Hypocrisy is easy. What would one do without a god? That’s easy. You’ve already been doing it.