TCA Newsflash Sept, 2018
Displays of public humility have recently squeezed into top competition for religious hypocrisy. Narrowly edging out last years winner “freewill” where christians have demanded religious autonomy by aligning with a god figure that monitors their every move and thought.
“Having freewill was not our choice, but at least humility can be maintained by heirs of deceptive, psaltry-face and open submission, while privately going about business as usual”, said spokesman Wel Mild.
“Voluntary humility is a gesture in honest hypocrisy, while freewill is a guaranteed phenomenon that only drives wheels of conjecture”. God (the writers) commands humility in scripture, and the promise to avenge the enemy in the next life is by design—a quell on the masses rights to be fairly treated now. “I know we’re treating you unfairly now, but hang in there. It’s for the best and god will be your rearward” (he’s got your back—when he feels like it) Meanwhile, those that write, then interpret the rule book reap the rewards of your labor in the now, while producing nothing of value for the benefit of society. It’s all quite clever really—but not very cute.
In third place, pride was nominated but indecipherable from humility in outcome based research and scratched from the competition. A tie for first place would have put “too much head nodding” into the realities conundrum, placing Christians in an awkward stance of non-contradiction. “It would be too much for our readers” said Mr Mild, “having to expose themselves openly to public obviousicity”. No amount of humility can make the Father proud, and maintaining a state of worthlessness while taking pride in a humilitous effort is a pill we prefer to overlook”, according to the committee.
Forth-place runner-up is pedophilia. Officials refused to comment after some paper shuffling seems to have lost the data. Misplaced
millstones paperweights were to blame, as well as select pages torn from the committee bibles. Surveillance video revealed nothing, but lack of evidence is forthcoming and status quo of faith.
Christianity—having what it takes to take what you have and make the world a better place—only much later.