Feeding Turkeys—A Model in Proselytizing

How fighting over good fortune is a model of fowl and faith

“Long awaited news presses against the nervous silence of worry—to know is better than to guess, to believe is more folly than friend, for the tidings of faith piques naivetés vice—belief has no boundary nor moral”

Winters are pretty hard for the wildlife here on the mountain, so we feed the turkeys and the deer—just enough to get them by. On occasion a lone turkey comes looking for whatever they can find, but when I throw out some bread, they immediately calls all their buddies—sounding their turkey food bell and in comes the rafter. They then spend their time fighting over the purported good news…”the wintery wheat and rye appears like manna on the crusted snow” I guess they just can’t help themselves. It’s natural. The biggest difference I see between turkeys and Christianity—the bread turkeys fight over actually has a health benefit—not the poisoning, cankerous imaginary bread infecting the planet. The ‘bread of life’ is to embrace willful ignorance. Whole wheat is much less circuitous and boring.


Author: jimoeba

Alternatives to big box religions and dogmas

29 thoughts on “Feeding Turkeys—A Model in Proselytizing”

  1. “I know the answer! I know the answer!”
    “Is your answer Jesus Christ?”
    “Then you don”t know shit!”
    “If your answer is not my answer, why would I want to listen to you?”
    “But my name is God. I know all the answers.”
    “You’re crazier than a looney bird. Get the fuck outta here!”

    And thus are christians fed, only one way to god, even if god is standing in front of them. I’m sure I screwed up your parababble, Jim, but I felt inspired to do it. My apologies to the turkeys…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well rawgod, after reading your stellar comment (very funny) it occurred to me that you must have seen turkeys fuck on an anthill? Free yourself those prememory traumas. It’s ok…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Turkeys at least have rational reasons for their behaviors. Christians and other religious, well, not so much.

        BTW: Now I’m going to have this image of two turkeys trying to do it on an anthill all day. Thanks a lot, Jim. 🙂

        BTW2: Speaking of turkeys, just got a postcard from the state DNR that tells me I won some kind of turkey lottery and I can hunt one of the buggers this year. Not that I’d ever do it. I have a policy of never eating anything uglier than I am.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I have a policy of never eating anything uglier than I am…you must have a very unlimited diet then. Ha! Hey on the turkeys and the anthill? You can erase that earworm visual by singing muskrat-love. Get that in your head and that pretty much cures any memory lock. It’s the cntrl/alt/ del of six decades, but, comes with a price. https://youtu.be/bjqeNoi6EmM

          Liked by 1 person

        2. A fire ant mound would get some peckin’ and dancin’ from the fired-up gobblers. I’ll send you some if you want. We got ’em to spare. The least the turkeys can do is to eat the damned ants.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Comparing the universe to a dough that is leavened is actually done by Dr. Alex Filippenko.

    There are many parables in the Bible about a dough that is leavened. There is good bread and there is bad bread .

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Depends on your tastes. Ojalda, Indian fry bread, boller, it’s all pretty good, leavened or unleavened, fried, baked, or boiled. Think I’ll have a bagel today.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Like the Papaver Somniferum, what appears to be beautiful, is an addictive crutch. Maybe religion should have to post ingredients and side affects as well. The natural product elevates its potency in the synthetic. Religion is now the Fentanyl of the natural man

      Liked by 1 person

        1. They get pretty bold on hunger. March they walk right up to you. By may they’re nowhere to be found. We have about 30 that stop in daily. Pretty cool

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Sounds like fun, Jim. There seems to be some kind of “turkey explosion” at least in the northeast here. You almost can’t turn a corner without seeing a dozen or so foraging on someone’s lawn. I’m wondering what are you feeding them? Also, I’ve been feeding deer on my property in Maine but I understand you have to be careful about what you feed them, e.g., corn is supposed to shock their system and may harm them. What are you putting out for them?

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Apples, pears, and about a slice of bread per deer. We get cases of apples/pears from a food bank for them. We try not to do too much to disrupt their natural abilities.


            2. Sounds good, I’ve been using apples, I’ll toss in some pears and bread as well. Last week I pulled into the driveway and there was 5 huge deer on my front lawn eating our rhododendrons. Nice. Thanks!

              Liked by 1 person

            3. They eat young fruit trees down to the nub as well. Well, at least it’ll cut down any pruning you might have needed. Never been to Maine. One of five states I haven’t been. Someday…


    1. They’re certainly not selfish…until they have to share. If I throw out some week-old tough French Bread 🥖 you can watch them run around in the woods like a cartoon in a rugby match. Back and forth trying to get away—it’s funny.


  3. Feeding birds provides endless entertainment for me. What surprised me at first was how cooperative birds can be. Sure, there are squabbles at the feeder from time to time but the foraging team that visits my lawn daily is a completely different affair. The king grackle (the loudest one it seems to me) sits high up in a tree keeping watch for hawks and other threats. Meanwhile, the foragers get to business. It is a mixed flock consisting of not just grackles but parrots, starlings, dove and sparrows too. In your turkey example what strikes me as most interesting isn’t the arguing but the fact that the one calls for the others to join in.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. You should try proselytizing while feeding them.

    “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s my understanding that it can be harmful to deer when humans feed them. Perhaps in areas of extreme winters, but not year ’round.

    –Supplemental feeding is controversial among wildlife professionals because it has been linked to the transmission of certain diseases and parasites, some of which have human health implications.
    –Deer suffer from many other diseases including brainworm, tularemia, brucellosis, anthrax, and others that can spread more thoroughly due to the concentration of deer caused by supplemental feeding.
    –When you provide deer an artificially high supply of food the deer herd will grow beyond the natural carrying capacity of the habitat.

    Just sharing info. No judgments.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We agree, although fish and game feed the deer and elk around here. There are several feeding stations in Washington. Some areas are just too harsh, but hey, isn’t that what nature does? But it is well recognized that natural wintering grounds have gotten smaller as people flock to these warm zones and freeways block migration. I think they deserve an apple a day for the trouble.

      Liked by 1 person

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