Most people hold or have held at one point, someone else’s beliefs. That’s why the drastic change happens when one stops believing. Although I felt at the time my beliefs were correctly imagined, I was wrong. I suffered from emotional incorrectness, and I am sorry.
My apologies for not imagining god correctly. After further research I have found myself to be in error and am guilty. I was never a true Christian.
Since my errant deconversion my intolerance died. I will repent now and confess that sin. Hopefully god will restore that intolerance and judgement of other people, but I fear that may be wishful thinking. The embarrassment has now rekindled for all the things I said, taught, thought, and supported that were not correctly motivated by sincere imagination, but incorrectly abandoned at the moment of unbelieving in correct sincerity. I was just trying to convert people. I was never really their friend. If I can have the courage, I can do this again.
These are not your beliefs, nor are they the real you. Only through unbelief can the cord of group think be severed. This is wrong. Not that those things are bad, or at odds with evolution, but I am certainly now the biggest sinner on earth. I don’t love god firstly—and I never did. My god was not the god I was taught and imagined from my youth. I somehow should’ve known better. Belief is the original sin. That much is obvious now.
What will it be like now to step into heaven and come face to face with Jesus? This imagery of god as a man seems to mirror everyones concoction of the divine. But I know my needles in the haystack somewhere. I’ll just have to feel as it penetrates deep under my fingernail, or the palm of my hand.
I can once again support fake outrage and superficial piety in the name of Jesus. Thank you atheism for leading me to be born again.