1820 Apostate Memoir

Unknowingly an innocence of my own doing struck calamity to my congregation a fortnight ago. To me it was a most natural of decisions that caused all of the fuss, but to them it was tears of the grandest sobbing heartache. When I no longer believed, it was the only logical conclusion to leave faith behind and make my own way in the world.

Reasons for my departure were no less than two small things that glared an ominous stare into my logic for two score and two years. The first being the inefficacy of prayer, and the other being the ambiguity of the book and the conjecture of the preachers.

How many offered prayers have disappeared into the vastness of space in behalf of me and my kin? How many silent mumblings have I uttered, calling upon god to walk with me and enlighten with his counsel? Hundreds of days I dare say (with a hint of current embarrassment) have distracted me from focusing on other tasks laid before me. Waiting as I did for the almighty to give me a clear hint of inspiration, I’m sure a year or two of days was spent on such matters. And not one time in all my efforts did he make himself known to me. I addressed the issue with my current and former ministers and each encouraged me to continue on, that god’s ways were at best difficult to know, and nearly impossible to understand. I relented. Acquiescence is a terribly wasted life in my opinion as of now, although being the faithful type I did “give in and let God”, as they say. Let god do what, dare you ask? That is a good question and presume at this point you will hear my answer.

At ten minutes per day of prayer and a brief study over 40 years equals 2433 hours. Just a hundred days of my life. But if that were all I would be content. I attended faithful mind you, and also kept the building at times and performed various duties on the lords errand.

Classes to be taught and monies to count and meetings and conferences to attend to. On average I would venture a modest guess at about 7-10 hours per week. Even as a boy there was labor and classes and seminaries to attend. On the low side of 7 hours per week I could safely render an accurate guess of about 806 full days including my morning and evening rituals and not including travel.

And at what point might you expect the lord to show himself in some subtle, fantastic way? Day 807? No. That is the day I had a moment of clarity, skipped meeting and went to the river. It was over. Not one thing had worked as promised, though faithful I had continued all those years. In my mathematical studies I can most frequently determine answers of the most perplexing kind. In religion, no answer given is sufficient to cross the void of truth or evidence. Faith is a manipulative ploy with no end to measure. I will let god proceed and continue what he always favored. Nothing at all. Good day! Jim-TCA

Better off Without the Law

Adding burdens to an already busy life is the Christian way. They can’t help but share, but are we better off not knowing? Without the law we cannot come under condemnation from their god?. “Because the law worketh wrath: for where no law is, there is no transgression.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭4:15‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“So, according to Bible, if you don’t tell me, I am not accountable. So why are you telling me? I have a guess…but please,…

I feel compelled by the sprit to make a word correction to a popular verse. What is promised versus what is real are most often two different things.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you stress

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28 KJV‬‬

Adding a new form of tactical manipulation filled with ambiguous writings and hidden meaning is not peace. Nor is sifting through endless interpretations excusing archaic morality and promoting divisions a form of rest. Quite possibly at the end of the verse it should say “the rest”. “The rest”of the story is adapting to a new way of life making excuses for unanswered prayer, or excuses for immoral scripture, or belief in 6 day creations, or unicorns and talking snakes, what day is the sabbath, and constant threat of hell and apocalypse. Rest? How about anxiety and non-answers to an already difficult life. Adding a new discipline takes time and effort. Living with Abrahamic religion always ever-present hell threat and manipulation promising relief if you can just “do it right” (if you figure out what that is in 30 years) is not rest. It is psychological tail chasing. And don’t get me started about prayer!! And don’t forget to shake the dust off your feet when you leave.

H.G. Wells

“Investigations into the beginnings of religion have accumulated steadily throughout the past half century. It is only by great efforts of censorship, by sectarian education of an elaborately protected sort, and the like, that ignorance about them is maintained.”

H. G. Wells

What to buy next?

When I commented the other day on a blog comparing the fallacy of atheism compared to Christianity, the guy fired back that I sound like a disciple of Dawkins and Ehrman, and then he blocked me. But the truth is, I have never read either of them. If the reasons I left faith are the same as they’ve written about, I guess you can figure it out on your own using you good old fashioned brain, minus what’s lacking in religion with sugarcoated faith. Prayers don’t get answered. Ever! But you all know the excuses. “God knows best”, or “he’s just testing your faith” or ” you pray in our time, but god answers in his time”. B frickin S! Then the scripture is an elastically moral fraud that demands ones full attention and years of endless debate and conjecture. The unsolvable religious Rubiks’s cube. I gave it my full attention. The reason I left is simple. Things never added up the way they were supposed to. Nothing made sense unless it was explained over and over. Then someone would explain the explanation so the explanation made sense. But in the end it is a charade that people believe only because they want to. They feel the need to. If you have a quiet few days you can figure this out. Looks like I need to buy some Dawkins and Ehrman? I really got a lot from John Zande’s 2 books and am science and physics fan. What should I read next as a relative newbie?

Free Jeep Rental $50

Cozumel is usually a pretty good idea. We stayed at an all inclusive resort with the dive club, and of course while you’re in they try to get you to the timeshare presentation. Usually I won’t go to these, but we had nothing going on for the day so we figured “what the heck”? Get a free jeep for the next day and just say no to everything in the sales pitch. What could it hurt?

I’m a math guy on just about everything, so I did the calculations and we could buy this timeshare for what we were already paying as regular guests. Not a great deal. It was like the Outlaw Josie Wales and Ten Bears. ” I’m ain’t promising you anything extra”. So we walk with our Jeep coupon and the next day go to the counter. With tax and other fees it was $50. $50 for a free Jeep. Hey! This reminds me of church! We had to pay for something you’re supposed to get free. Being an exmo, going to long boring meetings and was a way of life, and getting pressured to do things you don’t want to do is really the way of life. In the end, what was supposed to be free from jesus cost 10% of your income or no blessings. No exaltation, no temple marriage, no important callings. Nada. It’s the equivalent of buying free tap water. Pretty good scheme.

Many thanks to everyone here for sharing your insight, knowledge, and cynical as hell anti- religious wisdom. WP was a big part of my deconversion.