I have laid low these past few years since my deconversion. My mind works like a good stew, and then it’s ready to go. I generally take my time with things, especially after being controlled by those I thought I could trust for so long. Essentially duped by the duped. Funny now, but wow! Having just finished a couple of good books by John Zande these past few weeks, my mind has been working out a concise summary of what struck me profoundly. So without giving too much away, here is one point I have milled in my mind to a chiseled point. Every element from hydrogen to uranium, every molecule and atom, every cell and creature is in a naturally constant state of anxiety. Each one is desperately trying to stay together, to hang on for another day. It is this drive and desire that pushes to new boundaries. Defenses continue to mount and stretch the elements ability to cope and survive. To grow. To evolve. Every bit if matter has this inherent drive to hang on. Hope is the card that religion plays. And they play it well. Hope for eternal life after death. Hope to continue on. Hope things get better. But hope is something we already have. It is in us already. So why do we need to buy it? Fear. Abrahamic religions attach fear to something that is natural and unavoidable. Then they offer the solution. Meanwhile everything in this state of panic is dying and death, struggle and change, and anxiety. Pure, perfect evil if you would. And when you are done with this struggle for existence you die. Miserably decomposing and holding on till another day, but the final outcome is without question. When we observe this creation it is fair to assume the mind and disposition of this perfect creator. If there is a god and this is his doing, then he is enjoying the suffering and delights himself in the misery of all of the elements. Including man. I choose not to believe in deities. The evidence is compelling that no good god would have done this. He is either incompetent or he is malicious. There is much, much more to be taken from Mr. Zande in these two books, and I highly recommend these for every avid learner that wants to challenge what he thinks he knows. It is a fresh look that flies in the face of “god is good”, and has compelling evidence and good supportive reasoning and science. But the conclusions will be left to you.