Inside Out

Usually you all know nothing about how your efforts here in presenting Atheism and Humanism can affect just one person once in a while. But you all have stuck with it. I see many familiar names from when I was posting religious spew on your blogs a few years back. I was pretty nice about it but was curious too. Having my own belief questions I wanted to see how my arguments stood up outside of the faith. I tried to have an open mind and really see things from another vantage point.

One day I was asking some questions and interjecting my beliefs, and I mentioned I was really just trying to understand but would never leave religion. Violet (I think was the name) jumped in and said “you will”. “That if I really was serious about learning about life outside of faith that I would eventually leave it”. That really stuck with me and I stewed on it for quite a while. She knew if I saw what was real outside of that lens that I would at least know a decision had to be made. Believe it or don’t believe it. It was a choice! How right she was! That moment was pivotal in my deconversion.

I have always sought truth the best I know how. I don’t care to be right, I just want the truth wherever that may be. If I’m wrong I’ll admit it. I won’t defend a position I know in my head is wrong. That moment started a long search outside of the church and its approved doctrines and materials. Actually took about three weeks of full time searching and trying to justify staying in the faith. Once I peeked at the reality and reasoning there was no going back. After 50 years of church and Jesus I walked away. My wife and kids were in Panama City on vacation during that time. When they came back to the jungle I told them what I wanted to do and why. My wife had done her own looking and promptly agreed. We gathered up all of our church crap, the manuals and home school religious items and scriptures and burned it all. I burned books! Never regretted it for one moment. Free baby!

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you all for your insights and mentoring me in your blood soaked heathenistic pagan smart ass ways. Sometimes good sense does rule the day. Life without church is life indeed! Glad somebody told me! Is an excellent example of how I felt. Thanks Shiarrael!

Where is Violet anyway? Haven’t seen her in quite a while. Give her my regards if any of you know her.

Author: jimoeba

Alternatives to big box religions and dogmas

49 thoughts on “Inside Out”

  1. She’s probably in Argentina right now, for Xmas/New Years, but she’s been busy with kids and work from what i know, which isn’t much. A gem, though, to be sure… Even for a Scot 😉

    You’ve piqued my curiosity, what name did you use to blog under?

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    2. I was jiminpanama at the time but i think I may have used an alias since I had a lot of my church people following panamaminute.

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        1. I remember seeing another jim on there too. I think he was evangelical. Hell no I’m not that guy. I was playing it pretty cool as the inquisitive one who thought his ideas could get you guys to think and return to the fold. I was also curious though. I’d never been outside the church to look around. It was a cautionary journey that led me out of the bs. When that frigging lite when off in my head, the control manipulation lies untruths cover ups money sex lies lies lies it all hit me hard. I was mad at first but hey. I move on pretty quick and don’t get weighed with things I can’t do anything about. I was in my hammock on the back patio. All alone and no one to talk to and It was like I hit a hole in one and nobody saw it. I was pretty excited.

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          1. I feel sorry for you Americans, your experience with religion is far more pervasive than in most other western countries. It’s considered rude to even talk about religion in Australia. If you believe then fine, just keep it to yourself.

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            1. I was reading a comment thread last night about spanking and abusing on one of violets old posts. Is that a world view Christian thing or just here too? Jeez they were going on at length to justify the use of force. Actually pity those kids. I see them all around my area. Submit or else!

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    2. I fell in with a pretty good group here. It would be fun to hear everyone’s story at some point. Ya never know what might get someone to think for real.

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    1. Thank you. Nice to have you along. It was definitely a year of awakening when you realize Everything you ever knew was false! And I mean everything. Friends leave you political views and human rights come into focus and my whole life changed for the better

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  4. Jim! I remember very well reading your blog when you posted under the name jiminpanama, when you were still a believer. I saw you recently on SB’s blog too, and noticed you’d made a change in philosophy and shortened your name.

    Just so you know: there were actually two of us Violets around back when you were a believer.

    My blog started in 2014 and was called There is no RA in ASD….my name was noshrinkingviolet (No Shrinking Violet). I originally started blogging to talk about my disability (Rheumatoid Arthritis) and having a disabled child with Autism Spectrum Disorder. In the midst of that I had a very traumatic deconversion. After about two years a family member discovered my blog and I had to quickly delete it.

    The other violet, violetwisp, has a blog called by the same name, which is still up (she posts only occasionally now). If you’re still reading posts, this is the violet you’re talking about. At one point I was very active on violetwisp’s blog and I do remember having conversations with you there. I stopped commenting on her blog a few years ago when the comment section became overly hostile.

    I don’t know which violet was so helpful to you, but I’m grateful someone spoke words to you that helped you make sense of this crazy world. You have come a long way. I remember blogging about how I filled up an entire garbage can worth of bibles and religious stuff and watching the garbage truck haul it all off…similar to your bible burning session. It is such a relief to be free, though I find it also sad to have lost a divine purpose to my life. I hope you’re doing well and coming to terms with your deconversion…for some it’s traumatic, for others it’s only a transition. I wish you a wonderful journey. Here’s two of my favorite atheist videos…one is funny, one is serious:

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    1. Hey thanks!! As far as transitioning it was much easier than I though. It was therapeutic untying to burn al that crap. I walked away and feel better than ever. Good to see you again

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  5. Jim, are you still in Panama? I remember a few years back I could never figure out why you were down there…were you on a mission, or it was it something else?

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    1. No mission. We built a house down there at the tip of the Azuero peninsular. I was tired of The rat race and we sold everything we had and moved to Panama with a suitcase each, bought a pick up and drove five hours out into the jungle and homesteaded off the grid for a few years just to detox from the system we built a house while we were there. Not retired and still have kids in school so we’re here and there. Up in NE Washington state. We have a cabin near the Canada border. It’s nice but I miss Panama when I’m gone

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      1. I remember the pics you’d post of your kids playing with enormous bugs and the rustic nature of your homestead. It was really interesting!

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        1. Yes. That blog is still up but I’m here right now. Now I’m surrounded by normal wildlife. Turkeys deer and rabbits.

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          1. I just saw the posts with the snow, deer, and turkey tracks pictures! It was a little jarring after the more tropical setting I’m used to seeing on your blog.

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            1. Yes. Even though we’re atheists the deer and turkeys still come around. We feed them. Winters are pretty tough up here.

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            2. I live in Minnesota and we have very harsh winters here. It sucks.

              Since deconverting I’m having to kill more bugs in our house (specifically ants in the summer, and spiders in the spring and fall). I’m told by believers this is the devil tormenting me since I no longer believe in god. So perhaps you’ve failed to consider that you have some demon possessed deer and turkey up at your cabin! 😉

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            3. I know they can open a can of whoop ass if they’re mad. My daughter was trying to catch turkeys with her fishing pole. I’m glad she didn’t hook one. That would have been a battle

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            4. I must admit I’ve never actually tangled with a turkey!

              I just saw my first real live chicken a few years ago. I thought chickens were harmless so I attempted to pet her…that girl went after me like she was planning to eat ME for dinner. Who knew poultry could be so vicious?

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            5. Wild turkey is much different than a domestic. They do verticle take offs and fly 40 mph. Nothing to trifle with!! Lol. You must be a city kid? I grew up on a farm so I’ve seen a bit with animals

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            6. LOL…yeah, I’ve lived in the city my whole life. Despite being in the dairy belt of SE MN, the only clow I’ve been within 1000 feet of was at our county fair.

              The chicken was a novel experience, as one of my mom’s suburban neighbors decided they wanted free eggs for the hell of it. It was the most GIGANTIC chicken I’ve ever seen…a big brown one, not one of those little white ones. The neighbors just let it run loose because they didn’t know how to build a coop (neither did anyone else). That big b!tch terrorized and chased the urban retirees all over the neighborhood, until it disappeared one day. A fox was rumored to be in the area, but what would a fox would be doing in the middle of a city? Let me tell ya, that chicken was worthy of legends as far as we’re concerned.

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            7. That’s hilarious. When I was a kid we got some new neighbors down the way that were from downtown Seattle. The 13 year old boy came over to get to know us. He said “what’s that “? I said that’s a chicken. He say man I like fried chicken! But he’d never seen one. Pretty funny to me. I can’t remember not seeing one

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            9. I remember five full grown adults running from, screaming, and flailing their arms while that chicken chased them all down the street. They should have named her Cujo, but no, she carried the name of Petunia!

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            11. It’d serve Petunia right.

              Yes, I’m less than an hour from the Mississippi. Here’s what some crazy Minnesotans do on the river in below zero weather (try to ignore the bad 80s music):

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        2. It really is a great life. The little one is 7 now. She didn’t remember the US when we came back. The place we have there is like walking back in time 70 years. Tranquilo!

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