Paddling Restraints

If Christian educators would have their way, paddles would be rehung behind every teachers desk in America. Once again, man’s morals have surpassed gods morals and archaic scripture condoning bad parenting. “Spare the rod or spoil the child” is a ridiculous force of wills, but is still a mainstay around the country and memes surface daily wishing back the practice to force kids to conform or else, to respecting without questioning. At what age do you want your kids to start thinking for themselves and becoming themselves, instead of kowtowing to religious based authority? 15? That’s the number where you can be yourself. Or is it 18? All of the sudden you can question and claim independence, while all along it should have been a process. Cultural norms frequently have no moral ground, and many traditions in manners are often rooted in religious belief and reverent servitude. Get rid of that, and there is a near total relief from corporal punishment. Hitting and bullying your kids to live up to your ideals of faith, is not only wrong headed, but principally unsound. Granted we all make mistakes, but those mistakes should not become routines.

Data also shows that spanking is ineffective as statistics show lower SAT scores in every state that allows paddling and physical threats.

Just because you were raised that way, doesn’t mean there is not a better way. Be humble. You might be wrong. Why do they tout free will then take it away by force? What many are doing is taking away the creativity and natural instinct of the creature, and trying to pigeonhole him to conformity, when what we really need is more individual creativity of thought. Kids will surprise the hell out of you given the chance to expand in their best ways.

Beating children is a sure sign of bad teaching or parenting. There is a better way if you look. And while demanding respect through force may seem necessary, the reality is force is a divisive tool that promulgates resentment and frequently lifetime scarring.

Author: jimoeba

Alternatives to big box religions and dogmas

55 thoughts on “Paddling Restraints”

  1. I grew up in a tiny town of 60 people in Maine. For school, we had a music teacher come in and teach us. He had a bad temper and a paddle. To this day, whenever I hear Beethoven, I cringe. There are ways of teaching restless children to appreciate classical music without beating it into them.

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  2. Hmmm, I’m going to have to pass on this discussion — I’m divided on it. I see the positives of both sides and I definitely see and understand the negatives (abuses) of both sides. As a former licensed educator/teacher, an age-appropriate, “Developmental Processes” are effective. So… I don’t know with 100% certainty. I tend to be neutral on the Rod vs. No rod debate. 🙄

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    1. So often the paddle is the first resort, when it should be the last but is the easiest. You go ahead and be neutral. I understand your view on paddling should only be between consenting adults. Lol

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      1. Bwahahahaha!!! Touché my Friend! Guilty as charged. 🤣😈

        I guess further clarification is in order. 😉 There is a big difference between what PARENTS do or should do and what schools/administrators do or should do… and by default, what they shouldn’t do.

        As a father of two myself, their mother and I did at least agree on parenting and disciplining — sadly, that was about it, other than the wild, intense, raunchy stuff in the bedroom and everywhere OUTSIDE of the bedroom — very clear-cut lines on what warranted non-spankings or spankings between us as parents and sending/teaching a very easy-to-understand “Do Not Cross This Line” for the kids. We began age-appropriate disciplining at around age 3 or 4, if I remember correctly. That said, from their very first breaths our 2 kids knew with 100% certainty that we loved them very, very much. That was never in any doubt. Still isn’t. This is a HUGE component in healthy parenting!

        When they became older they began to understand that in those acute circumstances — direct disobedience or blatant disrespect to wise, intelligent (loving) authority/parents — was not tolerated and resulted in the belt on the butt-cheeks. BUT their mother and father HATED doing that! I HATED taking them those first 15-months to the pediatrician for vaccines! I had to help hold them down; their mother could never do it! Similarly, we would be visibly upset that our child forced our hand with warranted spankings! They felt worse about our obvious internal pain they had caused than the actual spanking. This dynamic turned out to be extremely effective for them. By the age of 6 or 8 years old, we NEVER had to spank either one of them ever again! 🙂 ❤ The point is there is a clear-cut difference between "tough love" and mental, emotional, and physical abuse. They are night and day.

        Now, in schools where there are no parents present, no one (other than the biological parents) has any right to put or lay a hand or object on any student. That is strictly for their parents; their responsibility, not a stranger or semi-stranger, even an aunt or uncle!

        Does that help Jim? 😉 😛

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        1. It does help. I like the style of your approach, but all to often spanking is so routine it loses its effect, then has unwanted affect. I would hope that parents use this as a last resort, but just thinking about it in hopes that some realize there may be a better way in many cases, and that might be worth a try too. Thank you sir. Well said and much respect.

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          1. I would hope that parents use this as a last resort, but just thinking about it in hopes that some realize there may be a better way in many cases, and that might be worth a try too.

            Yes! You are absolutely right Jim. I know some families/parents that never believed in spankings and by all indications their children are all quite socially functioning and benefits to society! My/Our method is not the only effective method, for sure.

            In a way, I’m not so neutral because my ex-wife and I had very clear-cut guidelines on when and how to apply parenting and disciplining based upon the infraction(s). We both agree there were only TWO infractions warranting spankings: 1) direct, blatant disobedience (e.g. lying?) to us, and 2) disrespectful words or behavior to authority. Everything else was grounding, take away privileges, activities, etc. But critically important in ALL of this was the obvious distress it caused me and their mother! Ugh, we hated it sometimes — it showed — but we stuck to our guns, or rather belt. Hahahaha! 😉

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            1. Well, check that. Even lying might not warrant a spanking, but be disrespectful or less. See, every situation and conditions are different. 🤔 This is why I’m cautious in this debate. LOL

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            2. PT — sometime back there was considerable discussion on the topic of “spanking/paddling” children. You would have been burned at the stake by most of those who commented. 😖

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            5. Yes, another reason why I am cautious and do my best to respect parents in THEIR effective parenting methods. :/ This debate naturally traverses over into corporal punishment as well, which is an even MORE tumultuous debate! 😬

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            6. Leverage is a parents best friend, and today with the devices, leverage is easier than ever to come by. I was beat pretty bad as a kid, but not near as bad as my older brothers. It was the way of the south in those days. I haven’t used spanking, and am great friends with my aging kids, while my brothers all carried regret and judgement to my mothers grave. Fortunate for me, I made amends with mom and recognized her growth as a person. She went very far in life considering her beginnings. It was a violent time, and maybe that’s why I’m firm in my approach, although it’s different for everyone.

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            7. With years experience and a background in Psych/A&D therapy and rehab, parenting two kids of my/our own, along with those years in education, if there is one big lesson I’ve learned through all of it… is what happens or can happen when triggers are ticked and intense emotions, such as rage outbursts or blinding acute attachments or codependence, rise quickly… many people LOSE their ability and composure to manage the situation and all variables effectively, much less themselves. In certain conditions, HELL it could take Special Forces or SWAT-like training to maintain control. IMO Anger-management skill sets SHOULD be a regularly taught program in MANY sectors of public and private life! 😬

              And then there are the real and clear cases of mental-illness, genetic and neurological disorders throughout society and families that MANY people are too afraid to confront and managing it in humane compassionate methods. 🙄

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            8. Absolutely. But also want to throw this out there. Each of us have to be responsible for our own personal development. Especially in our shoes. I am an easy going character slow to anger, but also follow along an anger management blog by Dr John Shinerer just to keep tuned up and get new ideas. It’s awesome to learn and grow daily, and WP has a lot to offer. Plus we’re already here, so why not.

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            9. Each of us have to be responsible for our own personal development.

              Yes, most definitely… IF you are reasonably sane and functioning cognitively, emotionally, and is some ways spiritually 😉 and not certifiably diagnosed as mentally-ill or emotionally dysfunctional. Then again, is there a hardline bar/standard as to exactly WHAT defines certifiable and WHO has license to make that diagnosis!? Are there varying degrees of these bars and diagnoses? Who ISN’T psychological in one way or another? 🤪😄 Hehehe

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    2. Interesting discussion. I have a son who has “rage seizures” and is violent without his meds. He bounced around in mental hospitals, etc. He went to a school for kids with emotional issues. There they taught that spanking or paddling does no good for these sort of children. Some are used to violence and shrug it off. Others become trained to use violence in their own lives for enforcing compliance. My son who was “naturally violent” had no reaction to corporal punishment. What worked in his case was finding the right sort of med and treatment to help him.

      As a parent, I was subjected to by people where I live advice that he should be spanked, etc. That I was a bad parent. He was a danger to the community. We worked with social workers and the country from the time he was three years old when he stabbed a child with a pencil. So we were doing our job as parents in dealing with the problem.

      Meanwhile, another boy in our building was a problem also. His mother maintained that there was nothing wrong and that the system was out to get him. People left her alone since he seemed nonviolent. When he was in high school, he murdered a person. He would go out at night and demand to be admitted to parties. When that didn’t happen, he would flash a gun. He went to prison for shooting a party host. Even now, he has trouble outside of prison – model prisoner, goes violent during patrol…..

      I don’t think that paddling would have avoided this. What I learned from my time parenting my son, who is now a tax paying citizen, is that active parenting is needed. Paddling seems to be the lazy parent’s way of dealing with the child. As for me, I had to retrain myself to stop yelling since it did no good either.

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      1. I feel for you. This is certainly not a black and white issue. I do think we take a real risk when we ingrain a culture of hitting to force compliance, which often turns to defiance. I have a grandson that was spanked, and the spankings got harder and harder as he became numb to it. He would just stand there and take it. No tears, just angry emotion on his face. I fear the outcome will be trouble. Had patience ruled, he would be a different character no doubt, because I saw the change. So many of the issues that “warrant spanking” are merely behavioral steps in growth that will happen on their own if nurtured, or even ignored in many cases.

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      2. My son who was “naturally violent” had no reaction to corporal punishment. What worked in his case was finding the right sort of med and treatment to help him.

        Neptunedolphins,

        In the field of genetics, embryology, endocrinology, neurology, and parenting, every single child developed from the fetus to a few minutes after birth are different in very slight ways or very noticeable ways. Identical twins are the exception having been fertilized from ONE ovum (the same genome), but even so they soon are not truly identical! Differences in twins (triplets, quadruplets, etc) develope due to environment, even the mother’s environment — what she is consuming, her surrounding conditions, etc! Recent embryological and pediatric studies have shown that many environmentally induced differences are reflected in the epigenome. The important concept here to grasp is that every single child and child’s parents/family are different. They are both influenced by and require varying degrees of management and understanding as well as a long, long line of varying genetics and epigenetics. Hence, YOUR son and situation is totally unique to anyone else’s child(ren) and family dynamics. Because there are infinite, complex combinations of varying genetic and environmental factors, no one parenting situation is exactly the same. Genetically and environmentally speaking, that is utterly impossible. 🙂 As Jim alluded to in other comments, there are many effective parenting models as well as dysfunctional ones and abusive ones. But every case will be different to varying degrees.

        What I learned from my time parenting my son, who is now a tax paying citizen, is that active parenting is needed.

        Yes, yes, YES!!! Generally speaking, “Active parenting” is indeed the hands-down BEST overall parenting model! No doubt. It will be the nuts-n-bolts of that application and execution that will always vary depending on thoses many factors from conception to pre- and post-natal conditions to surrounding family and extended family, community, and over time the geographical region.

        Btw Neptunedolphins, my heart goes out to you and your son. It is great to read that both of you are now doing well. ❤

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            1. I remember that word algorithm during the bush gore election. Al-Gore-rhythm was a way of counting votes till you got the desired results. I’ll never forget that.

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            4. Hey Jim & Pink,

              I have the same sort of chaos with WP! I have two blog-followers named TheCommonAtheist and The Pink Agendist and one never stops commenting, posting, and asking too many damn questions… then the other NEVER even visits, never says anything about my posts or clicks “Like,” and NEVER asks questions! What’s worse is that I can’t get rid of either of them!!! 🤪 WordPress! HELP!

              LOL… j/k you two. 😄

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            6. Oh really!? 😮 That’s very puzzling and so very “techy.” LOL I have always assumed that Tags were for search engines. Hmmm, I’m going to have to rethink this then. Thank you very much Pink for that scrumpcious tid-bit of info! 😁

              And btw, I was truly totally joking with you guys. 😉 ❤

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  5. I personally feel that the biggest and strongest person in a relationship of any kind has the right to “hit” those he or she deems to be behaving incorrectly until said person complies with the wishes of the person doing the hitting. Don’t like the way your neighbor plays loud music? Have you asked him repeatedly to turn it down? Are you bigger and stronger than him? GREAT! Then beat, literally, his ass with a strap until he learns the RIGHT way to behave in a decent, law-abiding society. Look, bigger, stronger people have the right to bend those weaker than them to their will. I learned this as a kid, and, by golly by gosh by gum, I’m only mostly fucked up because of it. So, don’t like the way your kid’s behaving? Spank the bastard until he “minds”–you’re bigger for Christ’s sake! Stop being a pussy and HIT! HIT! HIT!! until everyone you hit follows the correct, morally righteous path of you: the bigger, stronger person in the relationship. Oh, and if you have one of those noisy sons of bitches around you who say, “HEY!! LOOK!! A little spanking is A-OK, but what YOU’RE doing is WAY over the f-ing line,” just whack that person’s ass with a paddle until they understand to mind their own god damned business and let you conduct YOUR business your own f-ing way with those in your own f-ing family and others you are bigger and stronger than. If more folks in this world could see the righteousness of this, our world would be a calmer, more loving place where the smaller, weaker people always did what the bigger stronger ones wanted because, if they didn’t, they’d get strapped across the ass until they did. Remember what Christ said on the cross,” The only reason I’m up here is cause I didn’t do what these big, strong Romans wanted me to do–so they beat and crucified me. Use this as a lesson, kiddies, always do what the stronger people want OR ELSE!” Matthew 8:45-47

    I wonder how much spanking would go on if, by some form of magic, the kid you were spanking was able to become a full-fledged, very strong and very angry, adult the minute you started hitting them, and you knew this was going to happen? Would you perhaps say, “Welp, last time I spanked Johnny he immediately grew up into an NFL linebacker and beat the shit outta me. Maybe, just maybe, this time I should try a different approach or ask for help in the matter cause those hospital bills made me go bankrupt!”

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    1. Let me turn down my music real quick. Lol. I agree with much of your parodical muse here. I remember at the grocery store this guy was whaling on his kid, all the while every time he would hit him saying, ” I’ll teach you to hit your sister”. Exactly! There is usually a better way. Awesome comment. Loved it.

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      1. I worked in many social service agencies over the years. I’ve helped and dealt with far too many children who were “mildly” spanked at home who were NOT OK as a result. Thus, I’ve become a person’s worst nightmare to have as a neighbor if they think hitting their kids is going to fly around me. I’ve not only reported a few “spare the rod” types to DCFS, I’ve testified at hearings as to what I heard and or saw them doing. I know exactly who to call and speak to at the DCFS here in Chicago to have the rod of legal-woe be brought down heavily on the metaphorical ass of anyone thinking they can do this kinda shit with me around. I haven’t had to do it often, but I suggest, if you think a little slapping of a troublesome kid is OK to re-think your position. You never know when someone like me will report you authorities who will NOT think it’s OK that you hit your kid. The legal troubles you will have as a result of such a report will remind you for a long time that there are many options to the paddle.

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        2. I would also say Jeff, that if parents behaved like a caseworker was in the room, civility and respect would prove you can do better and find patient alternatives to hitting.

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          1. Oh, believe me, from personal experience knowing many case workers, I can assure you, they most certainly DO behave differently when case workers ARE in the room and the threat of legal woes looms heavily over their heads. The debate on whether hitting is EVER OK stops immediately in such cases. And I mean IMMEDIATELY.

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    1. Hey Zoe, thanks for that link. Incredible comments, but the Emma comment particularly was an interesting take I’d never heard directly from a victim. The arousal also goes the other way too, I’m afraid, as a reward to the punisher.

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  7. Well I was spanked by hand (by only my Mother) as a child and even had switches on my legs a few times. In each case, I deserved it for smart mouth, disrespect etc.
    I had a good relationship with my parents, especially my Mother, and they were wonderful loving parents and set an example to me that I appreciated in later years. The example of being good honest decent intelligent people .

    I don’t think the spankings necessarily helped, but I don’t feel they hurt either. Talking over the issue might have been better, but I certainly have never felt any ill effect.

    Just saying…….

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    1. Agreed Mary. As I stated to Neptunedolphins above, every single home, child, and family dynamics are unique. There are general variables at play as well as specific variables at play — the combinations, both genetic and environmental, are endless and sometimes NOT predictable. 🙂 ❤

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  8. Great post! Sorry I don’t get to read as many of these as i used to but I really enjoyed this one. Sadly I did spank my older two children because “spare the rod, you hate your child” mindset as spoken of in scripture. With my younger daughter I have never spanked her and yet somehow she is still a respectful and wonderful child.

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    1. There is a better way than listening to old ways speaking forceful control. Glad you came around Matt. I know what busy can do. I’ve been the same lately. Usually I check in late at night, and video has been tough with Everyone sleeping.

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  9. I was spanked growing up. I thought it was the norm, but looking back, surely there must be a better way to discipline your kid? I mean, it’s not on the same level as beating up your child, but it’s still using fear as a means of controlling your child’s behavior.

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  10. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this, but I’m not convinced yet… I do agree that “biblical parenting” could be a horrible thing. According to the old law, if a son sasses us, we should stone him to death. Regarding spanking, though, I was spanked often at home and school, and I don’t think it ever caused damage. My buns were bruised, but that was all.

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    1. Often, as with most things there is a better way. Not everyone is affected the same way, so I get that. People using their freewill to force others to comply by force is a paradox. As with most things in religion, look to the opposite of what they say. Nothing adds up but continuously needs to be propped up and excused at every turn. Thanks for stopping by.

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