It’s still 5:30

I turned off the water but it’s still running.

I slept-in til 5:30 this morning and went out to water the garden—it was dead quiet, though I did see a mama deer and her twins eating my russet tops. As they hopped away the silence remained in the most surreal artistry. “Must be the soft, thick grass,” I thought.

I sat quietly in sanctification—my stone table cool and covered in dew, the garden growing. All the sounds of summer sleeping, I close my eyes and drown my thoughts in the silence, then the silence drowns my thoughts. Purely, this was the most joyful quiet I could recall since my boreal beginnings. After a time (it felt) I lumbered my way to the house, made a cup of coffee and slipped out again to wait for the first rays of light to shine through the treetops.

Something is a little different. I begin to wonder at this timeless moment enduring a little longer—longer than I expected.

Skillfully I go back inside, quiet, careful not to wake the misses and and the mutt. The one clock is blinking—the other is not. It is still 5:30. I look out the window and the water is still running.

Cup Fungi

Cruel Games—Anhedonia*

Entering the final stretch of a meaningless search

“No considerate God would destroy the human mind by making it so rigid and unadaptable as to depend upon one book, a Bible or a Quran for all the answers. For the use of words, and thus of a book, is to point beyond themselves to a world of life and experience that is not mere words or even ideas. Just as money is not real, consumable wealth, books are not life. To idolize scriptures is like eating paper currency”—Alan Watts

“Today or tomorrow sickness and death will come (they had come already) to those I love or to me; nothing will remain but stench and worms. Sooner or later my affairs, whatever they may be, will be forgotten, and I shall not exist. Then why go on making any effort? . . . How can man fail to see this? And how go on living? That is what is surprising! One can only live while one is intoxicated with life; as soon as one is sober it is impossible not to see that it is all a mere fraud and a stupid fraud! That is precisely what it is: there is nothing either amusing or witty about it, it is simply cruel and stupid.

Had I simply understood earlier that life had no meaning I could have borne it quietly, knowing that that was my lot. But I could not satisfy myself with that. Had I been like a man living in a wood from which he knows there is no exit, I could have lived; but I was like one lost in a wood who, horrified at having lost his way, rushes about wishing to find the road. He knows that each step he takes confuses him more and more, but still he cannot help rushing about. It was indeed terrible. And to rid myself of the terror I wished to kill myself”—Leo Tolstoy

The cruelest of games is being taught to pretend were not pretending”—Unknown

Our normal sensation of self is a hoax, or, at best, a temporary role that we are playing, or have been conned into playing — with our own tacit consent, just as every hypnotized person is basically willing to be hypnotized. The most strongly enforced of all known taboos is the taboo against knowing who or what you really are behind the mask of your apparently separate, independent, and isolated ego, yet the whole of experience is one process.

For humanity to continue chasing in circles, generation by twisted generation to find meaning, yet in the end all dead and buried with a divisive belief that he was more, and failed to love—and to live in fear and denial of nature.

Anhedonia: without pleasure, inability to enjoy what pleased you. Often developed on the realization religious life is a fraud

What it’s Like to Die

What it’s like to die is the same as surviving

Our flight finally neared the runway as 80 mph side-winds battered the plane. Just before decent, the drink cart came off the floor and nearly hit the ceiling. Suddenly the wings break upward, blocking my view of the horizon, then quickly downward to view the ocean. The plane was nervously quiet on the inside as it was battered outside—a white knuckle approach to San Francisco; landing speed 158 MPH.

Some I could see praying, silently mouthing, whispering to their god—certain some deals were being made that day. I was sitting window seat over the left wing as we lowered within crashing range, watching the wing flexing up and down just missing the runway. Suddenly in a flash I pictured the plane cartwheeling down the runway in a fiery crash, but at that moment the pilot performed his magic and touched the plane down like a foot stomp.

Sighs of relief exhaled from front to back, then a post adrenal crash into applause and chatter—and in an instant we all realize we made it—Alive! Now back to business and the boredom as usual…

Is this how we feel when we die, returning to the mundane existence of eternal life? What a rush it must be to break back through to the other side. For at that moment the game would get us every time.

We know what it’s like to die—the same as it is to survive. All the anxieties of not knowing released in an instant. Yet here, we shackle ourselves to another day, living to escape death—while in our normal existence we would line up for the chance to risk it.

Just a flash of time outside our normal state of being—is life

All The World is a Stage.

We can imagine everything but truth, for the truth is too obvious to be it, and too simple to accept. With the curtain drawn we have now built a story to validate humanity as something less spectacular than the sum of its parts—which is ridiculous considering.

Occasionally one gets a peek behind the curtain. When that takes place a couple of things can happen if you are not prepared—they may walk off the set, self destruct, or go off the chain. This is why no master will ever teach you without a discipline to go along with it.

Another thing that often happens is a rise of self importance; I am god—The Jehovah Effect© I and the father are one—now you must listen to what I say and do what I tell you to do. What I know is the way, the truth, and you have to go through me (to get back to where you have no choice but to be) History is scattered with these types. Jesus at least spoke in parables to not give away the game. It is essential to the longevity of it all, that mankind doesn’t cut the act short by knowing the secret while we’re here—that there is no secret. This is the usefulness of religion—never answering the question, and unable to—constantly searching beyond the simplicity of it all.

Part of the problem is Christianity’s beginnings, where Christ sought out his disciples. Disciples who were not seeking enlightenment nor prepared for the experience (jesus couldn’t wait to share his newfound knowledge) They never did understand him while he was alive, then took it upon themselves to be zealots when he was dead. If you want to wake up then do so, find it, see it, but be prepared; all there is left to do from then on is watch and smile at the game.

Knowledge is simply the absence of delusion—The you who is not the one you see in the mirror, but the you that defines who you really are beyond that (personality, consciousness) is not the ego you’ve been told. Perceiving the essence of yourself in our natural existence is similar to scale of a fish achieving awareness of itself, that could never comprehend the head of the fish—so it is with the universe. We are merely a function, the eyes and ears and perceptions, a nerve ending on the whole living organism.

Our nature, whether here or there has not changed but the slightest. We seek to be entertained, to be engaged in emotions, to laugh, to cry, to feel fear or to feel exhilarated by the fantasy. To seek out endless ways to relieve the boredom and stay busy even after an idle day or two.

We are merely participants in a play, breaking away from the doldrums of everyday immortality to see the show (or be in the show) while others act out the mystery and sometimes misery for a role in the drama. Either way, life here means nothing but a respite from the mundane existence of infinite living. Simply not knowing the outcome is the most masterful, simple game in the universe. And like a fish jumping out of the water, for a moment, getting a brilliant glimpse backstage that there is no more to life than the existence we are living.

Monotheism is especially proud of its level of tail-chasing distractions—a necessary player to reduce enlightenment and retain players in the game.

Change is Hard—Hiding is Taxing

How religious morality is a facade

Who among us can change our consciousness—our personality? Through the process of religion and Christian morality we learn to conceal it, to pretend—to hide behind a pious facade of deception for the sake of fitting the mask of conformity to appear acceptable.

I have a friend who currently lay in a coma now four weeks from a fall. Yesterday they discontinued life support yet he continues to breath—for now. His pious brother came to visit and the first words out of his mouth, “see what your bad decisions and lies have done for you?”

I happen to know very well the sins of the accusing brother; his endless adulteries and prideful pretending to be an honest, religious man and I confronted him (I was commissioned today to deflect the incoming negativity that was expected from the estranged brothers—one the good son, the other, who lay in the bed in front of us, the prodigal.

I cut off his crescendo and said abruptly; “you stand here over your brother to judge, but the only difference between you and him—his integrity would not allow him to hide who he was. You on the other hand, have hidden it quite well” (his wife wide-eyed and gently nodding in agreement) “while you in your perfect health stand here over your dying brother can’t even change the pride you hate about your own self”.

You see, Chris couldn’t change, but he was cursed with integrity and could not live two lives to appease. While his family sees his life as a tragedy, I see his life as an example of honesty—yet in today’s world and yesterday’s, that integrity proved too much.

Where does the honest man go but to the fringes of society, to alcohol or a recluse life on the edges, or pretend to be who he is not? Some are lucky I guess, to live life in the middle without guilt, or to live without feeling guilty about guilt. Chris is an example to me of the cost of living life on your own terms—something we all wish for but seldom accomplish til it’s too late.

The Rules of the Universe

Since when did religion become so serious? Solving the problem of evil.

The idea that the universe has a specific agenda and demands Christian behavior is laughable, really. The tyrannical father figure of the cultural near-east governs the universe expecting certain liturgy from its inhabitants (he has opinions) that we must believe in him in his secrecy or be cast off forever, right where we came from just a few short years ago. Back to the void? Hardly

Imagine having never existed, that it all began here…and after you die—nothing. If that is the case it defies the laws of energy, as well as being an uncomfortable and strange feeling.

You, can never not be. This physical experience only identifies as unique because it is contrasted by our normal existence. When you identify with yourself, who and what you are, it is never the physical activity of muscles and blood flow, breathing and chewing that composes you. Those things are automatically done in the background, without thought.

What you are is this; an infinite participant in the only possible game in the universe to relieve eternal boredom. All the knowledge and skill in the entire cosmos is at our disposal. There are no surprises or guesses, no waiting or wondering for an everlasting creature with trillions of eons, owning all of everything, knowing all of everything. What would an infinite being (such as me) possibly do to relieve the boredom, to pass the time? Enter into a realm of not knowing.

This blip of mortal existence, only interesting at all for the mere fact we don’t know the outcome nor the beginning. Bookended by two unknown voids, we jump in knowing full well the misery and the fame, the chance and the luck, despair and delight, for every ending we break through to our normal existence, bam! we laugh our ass off because the game gets us every time.

Why else would the truly enlightened refuse to involve themselves in the rescue of human misery? All the worlds a stage. We are a never ending happening of a living universe. Little neurons getting a glimpse of ourselves and experiencing emotions we could never know in our regular boredom.

What Denomination of Atheism are You?

How atheisms are limited to what we know we don’t know. Is there more to disbelieve?

How much do we need to know before we can safely say we don’t believe?

Having not much in the way of indoctrinations outside Christianity, my unbelief is limited to a specific scope of practice—a field test of the words and ideas that were forced on me without my consent since birth. Really, can we reject all the other gods we don’t yet know?

Since we don’t know much about eastern religion, nor the meanings of orthodoxy, or Hinduism, most of us here have an atheism to the Yahweh god of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The other gods we hardly know, so considering blanket disdain or unbelief in something unknown is nearly impossible but yet, hardly worth the time to explore it out.

The key strong belief lies in pretending this life holds vast importance, that your worry and concern are somehow moral, noble and righteous. But this just isn’t true, and fearing to really live life because of the dogmas has crippled humanity into a fear of being afraid, instead of allowing life to play out the scenes. Fear as a normal part of this exploration, like the order of operations, first comes fear, then comes the faith (which isn’t faith at all, but worry)

We have been conditioned to believe here in the Christian god out of fear and faithless worry, but really it’s all the other gods we don’t know that we should be concerned, worried, and watching about—for we know this one isn’t real.

Religious Reasoning—Taking One More Step

How believers stop reason before it’s reason.

There is a serious problem with not thinking things through to the end. We don’t care to solve religious riddles, but always stop short of conclusion—in the feel good parts. Without stopping there, no religious doctrine can stand to scrutiny. None is without contradiction.

For instance

Wouldn’t it be amazing to live forever with god in heaven (the big family reunion congratulating our friends and family that made the cut) Endless hugs and bathing Jesus feet in our tears of joy with no evil allowed? Considering how easily we get bored now, imagine with all knowledge and understanding of the universe at our disposal and we celebrate—and keep celebrating, like the endless techno-chicken stuck in a loop, choir music and no chance for sleep. How long will this suffering be tolerable? After 60 trillion years of willing yourself to die, but you’re just getting started. Besides, I’ve been to family reunions…

The only thing that makes this life even remotely interesting is the fact we don’t remember before this is just a play, and cannot quite recollect what happens behind the curtain when the act is over.

Dying will be a great jolt of laughter upon realizing this game has gotten us on…again. And the surprise of dying to life will be an eruption of laughter to wake from this dream we call life.

This has been going on a long, long time. We have fossilized human (hominid?) footprints from 100million, 250million, and 500million years ago. Not remembering it is the only exciting venue left in the universe.

Meme courtesy of the superstitiousnakedape—John Zande

The How of Atheism?

Why the promised peace eludes the churches through fear

How is that atheism mitigates fear better than the purveyors of hope? How is it that through a belief that is intended to pacify fear has you looking over your shoulder and hoping for the future that never comes. All we can reasonably experience is right now. Religion does not comfort fear but exploits it. After examining your life with god, it’s no wonder there is no peace.

Atheism is systemic of trusting your own judgement—looking at evidence vs bandwagoning on the coattails of hormones and hope. Not believing is no license to evil, but a permit to think and act in the best interest of the moment.

Atheism stems from understanding that humans are easily deceived by promises and easily racked by accusations of guilt and future punishment. Atheism is innocence until proven guilty, not convicted at birth for merely being born.

Atheism accepts reasoning with confidence—the ability to win an argument with oneself and prevail over insecurity.

Atheism does not subscribe to original sin and self deprecation. Personal peace is achieved by self worth, not the merry go round of confessionals. People are actually born awesome—humanity is better-off without dragging the ball and chain of past guilt and future consequences.

Atheism accepts things without the audacity to challenge nature and its cycles. Your mind and consciousness is all you possess. Death of the body is inevitable. Now is the only experience. What things can you do where you live in the moment, and not thinking past or future? Don’t waste it living life in fear on the terms of the churches.

Atheism is a way of accepting responsibility for the good and the bad as a product of human nature and complicated wiring.

Atheism does not deflect personal responsibility by gifting third party recompense without the consent of the offended—taking full responsibility for our actions is a byproduct of unbelief.

Atheism is evidence of things seen, the continued discovery that we can eventually know all things, and the dismissal of cleverly worded dogmas that are wrought with layered and meaningless contradiction. Absence of evidence is evidence of absence. No truth needs an addendum.

Atheism fails to live in fear of the unanswered questions, examining evidence and adjusts its ideas to further discovery.

Atheism embraces unique perceptions, talents, and varieties that individuals can use to chart their own path using their own intuitions.

Atheism is a personal conviction of integrity. Unbelief restores what was taken by the churches, always focused on solving the inevitable causes of nature by inciting impending doom. “Oh death where is thy sting”? How about the constant reminders and threats posed by religion because you are a fallen, totally dependent, group deprecated creature that deserves endless punishment?

Reasoning With Resonance

How reason tells us there is only life

Spending a lot of time and years searching for meaning, wondering, worrying, sometimes hoping life lasts and lasts, while other times wishing it was over, takes up a lot of our thought-time here in the earthly—don’t let life pass you by searching for meaning over having experience You won’t find it. You are it.

We certainly can be entertained by the search. The philosophy is quite good to hear and read, but where does it go? What good is knowing your future or understanding past, your hopes shifted here and there by a little dose of some neat words?

Tomorrow is as uncertain as the past (what we can remember of it) and was a state of mind that’s no longer me, but will be accountable for in the Christian hereafter. Maybe I’ll get Alzheimer’s and forget the wrongs I’ve done before I go to die, what then? Is there a dividing line?

We can’t see the supernatural because we are the supernatural. We are a ripple in the extension of galaxies, an antennae, a presence of convergence in the fabric of space and energy. When we meditate and perceive what seems to be another world, are merely glimpses into our past and timeless future. Like a fish seeing the water and being in awe, we too cannot perceive the baseline of our existence which is space (we are made of it) which is life itself.

We. Are. It. We are not I as we typically think of. We cannot find the meaning of our existence because we are the meaning of our existence. Through our lens the universe, us, views itself unknowing the vastness we call space, is we. It is so obvious we cannot imagine life with it or without it.

Abandon the father figure of god that is so ingrained in our western culture, for “god” is merely a co-op, a dispensary of source energy, consciousness, that very concept that eludes us is indeed the mystery. We could not know the darkness without the light, nor peace without the turmoil, heaven without the hell. We exist unable to comprehend our opposite because “I am that I am”.

We cannot imagine what life was like before we were born. Nor can we accept that death is the total end, and at that moment would be as though we never were. To posit an end means we had a beginning. We cannot envision a beginning or an end—we are incapable of it because we always have been.

Where We Go From Here

If this life were part of a series of reincarnated experiences, why would it matter at all in mankind’s search for purpose if we can’t remember them from one existence to the next? Where does it all go when you’re dead and buried? In the next 85-90 years another entirely new crop of humans will populate the earth, while nearly 8 billion purported “meanings” and “purposes” of life are lucky to be remembered after 1 generation.

From my former religiously stained fingers—death is the great escape into peace. Not by living again, but by offering exactly the same “freedom from care” that we experienced before we were born. What was lost—peace, is once again found only to be unknown—again.

We have risen to life, now against the odds of inevitable aging and death we hope to carry on, realizing some form or potential. Would we settle to be a meadow of wild grass or a meandering brook, only to prolong any semblance of physical experience? All this searching for meaning over a brief flicker from past lives feign to recall (or sleep paralysis) or merely an active, imaginative brain inventing?

The desire to live forever is a notion implanted—a wishful potential of an ideal—yet death will reunite us to our past”.

Certainly there are things I enjoy now—things that I would miss, while others disdain—if I were aware to see it.

Such is the audacity of man, that he hath learned to counterfeit nature, yea, and is so bold as to challenge her in her work”—Pliny the Elder

All of these experiences seem a little futile if you can’t remember them when in the physical realms where they are useful to us. If reincarnation were real, what good is finding out purpose in this life if we don’t remember it coming or going?

Is it so hard to live in the present? Are we just hamster-wheeling for nought?

The crooked trail into our wilderness.

Interesting mushroom

Fear Play—

How we trade in our insecurities for bigger ones

A healthy amount of fear is normal. Skepticism allows us to make our way in the world without being suckered, while religion attempts to alleviate those fears, then ersatz the trivial everyday with existential death anxiety—not terribly afraid to die, but afraid of what will happen after you do—and a fear of separating from loved ones you never knew before life happened.

On advisement we relax and let Jesus take the wheel, then fear is directed at our performance and we’ve taken the bait. We all have fears—which ones, seem to make all the difference finding personal peace.

Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom“—Luke 12:23 KJV

Have I got a deal for you! Do you want to see my puppy? I have ice cream—any flavor you want—like the taste of hell… Even as a believer this made me a little squirmy, but few seem to be able resist it.

I was having a conversation the other day and the gentleman said, “we get the most out of religion when we allow our faith to be vulnerable“—in a sense, letting down your guard in belief.

Allowing your faith to be vulnerable is like lowering your expectations to be happier. After all, getting a C- when you were expecting a D can give a lot of hope, but it doesn’t take us anywhere meaningful. I know, I grew up being suckered.

So how does one go about deciding the right amount of vulnerability? It can be comforting to be a part of a flock full of deception you can trust—until you no longer think like they do.

Christianity—Holding on to the past while hoping the future ends—until it’s their future.

Why should I fear death?
If I am, then death is not.
If Death is, then I am not.
Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not?”

Epicurus, letter to Menoeceus

The Old Ways—What We Have Done

Assimilation is nearly complete. Welcome to the monochromatic world you bastards.

Indigenous tribes are continuing to disappear from the landscape. The old ways are dying off. The elders, all preparing to take their final breaths, taking the languages, cultures, and knowledge of the last remaining various groups to be gone in a generation. Virtually no more children are learning the native language of their fathers—essentially it is dead already. Every two weeks another heritage goes extinct as the last elder dies. What’s left is a monochromatic disaster of the big five religions. Variety is dead. Long live Christianity—Disgusting.

Assimilation is nearly complete. 150,000 years of tradition, language, knowledge, beliefs, shaman—gone in 300 years of western industrialists. People that lived amazing lives, literally in tune with Mother Earth in a way few can comprehend. Please, please take a moment to watch Nat Geo’s ethnographer Wade Davis show you what we have done in the name of monotheism and industrialism. What we have destroyed. How can anyone want this?—EnterReligion

There is a text version included with the TED if you prefer, Nan.

Clinically Dead vs Biologically Dead

Clinical death occurs when the heart stops beating and the blood stops flowing. Clinical death precedes biological death by 4-6 minutes, whereas clinical death is reversible with intervention, but biological death is not.

Since religion is always the opposite of what we hear, so it is with its death. Christianity is biologically brain dead, but it’s members are pumping on the chest of the corpse and counting compressions as heart beats while claiming a code save. Not sure if you’ve ever done CPR, but it takes a lot of energy, resources and strength to keep a clinically dead person from slipping off into biologically dead. It’s a tiresome process that requires you pass off to other rescuers to keep compressions efficient.

Ceasing resuscitation efforts is difficult at times. Family and friends often urge you to keep trying, go one more round on the algorithms to get a shockable rhythm for a chance of spontaneous heart beat and respiration. At some point you have to call it off. Religion has been in asystole for quite some time, but the members are too attached and too full of need to recognize their beating a dead horse—one that is biologically and clinically dead. It’s time to lay this one to rest.

How Pretending is a Bigger Problem

Hush tones and inside jokes, comments like “I’m not racist but”, “hey look at that”, and pass judgement on people you have no idea about their history or what type of person they are. Saw it all the time in the faith. This is their way of life. One must be good with the lord watching you, surveying us 24 hours a day, even in our sleep, and even the hushed tones are not exempt from the ears of the lord. Below is a terrific quote. Some of this is new to me, so forgive me if this is old news.

“Some people I know who are atheists will say they wish they could believe it. Some people I know who are former believers say they wish they could have their old faith back; they miss it. I don’t understand this at all. I think it’s an excellent thing that there’s no reason to believe in the absurd propositions I admittedly, rather briefly, rehearsed to you.

The main reason for this, I think, is that it is a totalitarian belief. It is the wish to be a slave. It is the desire that there be an unalterable, unchallengeable tyrannical authority, who can convict you of thought crime while you are asleep. Who can subject you — who MUST indeed subject you — to a total surveillance, around the clock, every waking and sleeping minute of your life — I say of your life; before you’re born, and even worse (and where the real fun begins), after you’re dead. A celestial North Korea. Who wants this to be true? Who but a slave desires such a ghastly fate?

I’ve been to North Korea. It has a dead man as its president. Kim Jong-il is only the head of the party and head of the army; he’s not head of the government or the state. That office belongs to his deceased father, Kim Il-sung. It’s a necrocracy, a thanatocracy — it’s one short of the Trinity, I might add. The son is the reincarnation of the father. It is the most revolting, and utter, and absolute, and heartless tyranny the human species has ever evolved.

But at LEAST you can fucking DIE and leave North Korea. Does the Qur’an or the Bible offer you that liberty? No! No, the tyranny, the misery, the utter ownership of your entire personality, the smashing of your individuality, only begins at the point of death. This is evil; this is a wicked preachment.” – Christopher Hitchens

So they continue. They present a pious side while secretly living as you or I might, but the constant life of deception carries over into laws, and schools, and the solid footing of Christianity is all built on hiding the true self. PRETENDING. Never show the real you, and it is a habit of deception and farce because they are being watched. Dress the part, play the part, speak softly and hide your pious racism, but keep touting that you and the faith are well.